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On Tuesday, about seven armed robbers raided my precious home and took off with all the money that I had at the moment. It seems one of my shaft mates tipped them that I am the richest cosmetics dealer in Uganda. “Where is the dime?” one of the armed robbers asked me. I immediately moved to the bedroom and pulled out what I had in stock. “Is this all? If we search and find even a single coin with you, we are going to shaft your ugly wife and kill both of you,” they warned. No sooner had they talking of bonking Yasmine that I rushed up the ceiling to produce the money that I was secretly saving there.
Yasmine’s trust in me declined because of the secret saving that I was making in the ceiling without her consent. “What is the next step now?” Yasmine asked me. “We shall gamble tomorrow, after all our daughter is not around….even though we stay hungry, there is no problem,” I replied. The previous evening, John, a new UEDCL official who doubles as my neighbor had complained of Malaria. I remembered of how he has been collecting money from customers whom he got stealing electricity. I just prayed that the sickness worsens so that I can get access to his office attire.
“Hello Mr. John, good morning. How are you feeling today?” I asked him. “Buddy, the sickness has worsened…i am even planning to go to the hospital and see the doctor,” he told me.
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I jubilated in my heart because the path through which I would recover from the temporary credit crunch was getting clearer. “You go and visit the doctor now,” I pestered him. “Alright I will be on my way shortly,” he replied.
After thirty minutes, John came to my house and told me that he was leaving for Kampala International Hospital. “But I can’t move with my keys,” he told me as he handed them over to me. I immediately sneaked to his room and picked all the office property that he possessed. If you have electricity at your home, the gloves and the look-like rain coats that those UEDCL guys come with when they have come for inspection are the ones that I picked. This time, John had not come with the company car.
He had come with the company motorcycle. Everything was 90% complete but the only obstacle was Yasmine. After around thirty minutes, John called to tell me the doctor had advised him to spend six hours in hospital, for close monitoring. “Buddy, why don’t you spend there the whole day for close monitoring?” I asked him. “But my house, I left it very dirty,” he said. “Don’t worry I will clean it for you,” I assured him. “Okay, see you tomorrow,” John concluded the conversation. His acceptance to come back tomorrow made me cool down and foster my plans without panic. To my luck, John had left a 10k note in his UEDCL coat pocket. I got it and gave it to Yasmine. “Go to the market and buy food for lunch,” I told her. “Hurry up because I am about to leave for town,” I told her.
Since the market is very far from our home, I wanted to sneak out before Yasmine returned. In her absence, I quickly put on the UEDCL field uniform. But it seems Yasmine did not reach the market. She found me getting onto John’s UEDCL motorcycle. “When did you start working for UEDCL?” she barked. “No, be easy. UEDCL told me to train if I pass my trials, they will permanently employ me,” I replied. “Okay bye. Success,” she told me, after which I accelerated the motorcycle and left for the filed. “Now where should I start inspecting from?” I asked myself. I then remembered John had told me the residents of Muyenga and Namuwongo are the best thieves of electricity. “And they are tycoons. So if I nab them, they will recover the money that the robbers took,” I told myself.
During inspection, the first six houses did not have any smell of robbery. This demoralized me. However, I was like a cow-boy, I did not give up. To my luck, the next eleven houses that I inspected, eight of them were engaging in the malpractice. “If you want me forgive you, first give me 200k. if you refuse, I am gonna disconnect you and forward you to the big men,” I threatened all of them. Guys, I recovered my dime in that period because I collected over Shs. 1.5m plus 700US$ that one of the tycoon’s daughters gave me as a bribe. Due to over excitement, I had to quench my enthusiasm by shafting either a maid or house wife. “Let me inspect more five houses, I am sure I can’t fail to nab someone and instead of asking for a bribe, I will ask her for what her mama gave her,” I told myself.
The first house that I inspected, the tycoon had an empty meter box implying he was accessing free electricity. “You are getting electricity in an illegal way,” I told the house wife. “No, be easy….please,” she told me. “Be easy, easy what? I am on duty madam,” I barked at her. I put on the climbing shoes and threatened to disconnect them.
Two steps onto the pole, this bummy lady came, pulled me down and wrapped her right hand around my waist. She then led me to the sitting room and extended her juicy lips towards my face. Guys, what could I do other than eating the forbidden fruit? I shafted this babe and drilled almost liter of her oils. “Have you forgiven us?” She asked me, after the romp. “Of course I have,” I replied in a dizzy way. I then remembered that I was on duty and left. “Thank you, bye,” she told me. “You are welcome but I will be back,” I warned her.
Guys, if you get hit by the credit crunch in any way try out my trick and bail yourself out, you will not regret it, trust me till then, I Remain Yours Truly, The Mighty Hyena.
