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This may come as a shock to some of you but in Bangladesh and even India its women who pay bride price, unlike Uganda where it is the other way round. When Al-Jazeera aired this information, Yasmine protested vehemently, saying that she wouldn’t pay a single coin for me.
All the women in the house, my nieces and even my 12 year old daughter Hawa were also on her side.
“If a man doesn’t bring a plane as my bride price, then I am not getting married,” Hawa swore.
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Anyway back here, I can’t tell you how much money Hajjati Mayi has given me so far, but I can tell you that it is a lot.
Even my very home in Ggaba was a gift from her as a token for my good shafting skills. When I shafted and impregnated my cousin’s wife, she bought me a plot of land and even financed most of the building of the house, on condition that I never claim the baby. In fact the list of women who have given me money for god shafting is endless.
At the moment, I am milking Suzan’s wallet. It all started the time I stood in for Doctor Simon as a gynecologist.
She came in for a medical check-up.
I employed my usual magic and we ended up shafting in Simon’s office. On 5th January this year, Suzan called me for a shafting session.
“Hyena please come to Riders Hotel and shaft me. I am dying for your whopper,” she said. Since Yasmine has been denying me her goodies for some time now, I was really looking forward to shafting Suzan.
I went to Senga Nalubega, drank a doze of a herb called ‘Katimbolo’ for extra strength before driving to Seeta.
My whopper was already saluting as I imagined the new styles I was going to show her. On getting into the suite which Suzan had directed me to, I found her wrapped in a towel which she dropped on seeing me. Blood rushed to my whopper so fast that I had to sit down to avoid fainting.
I swear I started salivating immediately as I looked at Omotola Jolade’s look-alike walking towards me. At that exact moment, I got a call from Yasmine asking me where I was. “I have been kidnapped by a witch doctor who might even sacrifice me,” I said before switching off the phone and put it on the table. “I am so happy to see you makanika wange,” she said. What followed up afterwards can only be rated as ‘XX’.
Super charged with the medicine Senga Nalubega had given me, we shafted from every space in the room, doing all the things that you only see in the movies.
When we finally rested after two hours of non-stop shafting, we heard our neighbors in the next room trying to compete with us. The man kept on calling out the name Maureen as the woman kept on screaming in Runyakitara.
Suzan became very annoyed and said, “Lets show these people that we are better at this.” She immediately grabbed me and we resumed, and I know my whopper was smiling at the feast that was being spread out for it.
We resumed shafting for another three hours, going for doggy style.
Suzan started screaming very loud in a bid to out compete the woman in the next room, giving me all the towns, districts, villages in the country. In order not to let her down, I also shafted like my whole life depended on it. Our tactic really worked wonders, because by the time we had finished, the other couple had already given up trying to compete with us and were instead enjoying Suzan’s tunes.
The bed was covered with el-nino, so we decided to go supper as they cleaned it up. We showered together and almost started shafting as the warm water poured on us, but we decided to postpone it till we had eaten.
However, the moment we got out of the room, our neighbors were also getting out, and this is when all the hell broke loose.
“You bitch, what are you doing with my husband?” Suzan asked Maureen and jumped on her. The two ladies started fighting on the floor, and as I looked at the Muzungu who was turning red with anger, I knew I was in a lot of trouble. “So you are the son of a bitch who has been terrorizing my wife’s yoyo?” he asked. He tried jumping at me, but he missed because I kicked him first.
He made an alarm, but I was too fast for him. He tried chasing me but I had already disappeared. A few days later, Suzan called me and apologized for the embarrassment.
“Iam really sorry. In fact, I have a surprise for you,” she told me. We decided to meet in town and she took me to Jomayi and bought me a plot of land just like that.
To show my gratitude, I also took her to Chez Johnson Hotel for some shafting. Everything has been going on very well until she started saying that she wants me to give her a baby because her Muzungu is 90% impotent. Anyway, since making babies is my specialty, I will just do it for her.
Till next time, I remain Yours Truly, The Mighty Hyena.
